One of Millions
Sinead O’Connor has hit the headlines for posting a video of how she was feeling, in a plea to let people know that she was struggling and fighting to keep herself alive. The raw, private glimpse into her world in those few minutes has had me contemplating the concept of mental illness, and the stigma associated to it.
There were so many statements that Sinead made that triggered a voice within me wanting to reach out and touch her soul to let her know that her divined light is glowing bright and to assure her that nothing can taint the purity of who she is. Even in her darkest moments Sinead O’Connor is a beautiful, strong woman who has leagues of people that admire her conviction to be a voice for those who are not able to speak for themselves. I’ve watched her across the years challenge the Vatican’s position on woman’s rights, as well as being an advocate against child abuse and so much more. I’m not deluded, Sinead is not perfect and has never claimed to be. I feel this is what I find so endearing. She bravely presents herself to the world, warts and all and demands to be real in a societal construct where confrontation and the truth are rarely welcome.
“I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.” ‘Rita Mae Brown’
I don’t imagine that Sinead has carved out the easiest life for herself given that she is willing to speak her mind and stand up for what she believes in. Right from the outset of her blossoming career as a singer / songwriter she was making headlines for her controversial approach. Instead of allowing her sexuality to be exploited, she shaved her hair and pushed the buttons of the money makers that backed her career. There is an angry, righteous approach to her stance that would have been challenging for those around her. I can’t see a way of executing this type of path without having a ripple effect on her loved one’s, who may not have been as passionate or willing to wear the cost that such a position attracts. We are after all raised to be ‘aligned’ to the status quo, keep the peace and not buck the system. People of influence or whom possess an audience large enough to influence are from what I have seen, usually kept within close check. History provides the insight. Leaders who are carving the path for true change get assassinated, while conformists, puppets, go to term.
Sinead mentioned in her facebook vlog that strangers were kinder to her than her own family. Not knowing more than this, I considered why this was her reality. I suspect countless people who saw the emotional video would have judged her family for allowing her to be there alone. Here are my thoughts; There are no expectations placed on a stranger, which is why the kindness offered and received may be easier to recognize and accept. Often when people are in despair they gravitate and bond with others who are in the same headspace and therefore feel heard and understood. Whether we want to admit it or not, when it comes to our family and friends we have an established connection and an underlying expectation of them. Often we don’t or are not able to remove our taint of expectation and therefore are disappointed when someone falls short of who we expect or want them to be. Its a difficult entanglement of emotions that can have us blinded by what we want versus what they are able or willing to provide.
Its not uncommon to see a new side of someone’s personality revealed when less favorable circumstances arise that may not have been visible otherwise. Its an insight into the looking glass that we can utilize to understand ourselves and how we are placed within the relationship. At times this is a bitter pill to swallow as it shatters the illusion of assumptions made. I find a large percentage of people who are struggling with their families, fall into the same rut of fighting to accept who these people ‘have become.’ When the truth is that is who they were all along. They haven’t changed, the conditions have and thus it revealed a new aspect of their psych. Its (for the most part) not malicious.
“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” ‘C.G Jung’
Is one the loneliest number?
Conditioning drives the consciousness toward unity and dependance. The education system is governed by it and as a complimentary factor most companies are structured toward this. (Don’t get me started on religions … let’s just throw them into this slate too). Independence and free thinkers are only welcome within the confines of a controlled structure. There is enormous pressure to conform and only a brave few are strong enough to go through the torment that is imposed to establish and eventually drive opposition. Gandhi, Martin Luther King, are famous examples of this. Their plights were noble, it brought them a life filled with pain and eventually cost them their lives. History teaches us that it is an arduous journey and requires true sacrifice to be an advocate for change.
I feel there is a greater epidemic that fuels depression and mental illness. Its the suppression of our psyche to conform to the social norms, that has people feeling a true sense of despair if they haven’t achieved it and entrapment if they have.
Boys wear blue. Girls wear pink. Get an education. Get a job. Get married. Have children. Repeat the cycle. Sound familiar?
We are not taught self empowerment or encouraged to spend time alone. Do you recall the kid in the playground on his own? He’s the weirdo or the loser because he’s got no friends to play with. Interestingly, for most of my life that was me and it was by choice. I never wanted to surrounded by the falseness that I felt and saw blindly adopted. I enjoyed my own company and relished in the time I spent with myself. Eventually, my disinterest in others had an adverse effect whereby people flocked to be connected to me, but I held little desire and refused to make friends for the sake of it. I only pursued and retained connections that I felt had substance. If you ask me if one is the loneliest number, my answer is no. Yet, if you place me in a social gathering with a group of people, I will feel alone. Why? Because I am conscious of the facade people blindly present. I want the raw, beautiful, ugly, passionate, happy, sad, truth of a person. That’s why I believe that Sinead’s video moved me enough to want to write this article about her and for her.
The manic episode Sinead had and shared with the world is the ugly truth of what has been allowed to be created. She has been struggling and fighting her whole life. A self professed, abused child who has been quoted as saying, ‘I felt I had to keep myself as ugly as possible to keep myself safe.’ Sinead has refused to be silenced and for this she has paid a price. Isolation, loneliness and despair.
Sinead, you are a beautiful soul, filled with love and light. It’s time to allow yourself to be free from the prison of the past and welcome peace to flow through you. Trust in you and know that you are safe. Feel your truth and rise. I hope the energy you shared with the universe provides you with the positive channel of energy you need to draw in to give you the strength to regenerate and heal. It’s a solo journey back to the path of complete acceptance and self love.
It starts and ends with you.
Sinead O’Connor – One of millions – you are one in a million. Thank you for being you.
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