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Under The Influence

Through a series of unfortunate circumstances I was led down a path of exposure to being stalked and cyber bullied on a scale I had not known could exist for some-one who wasn’t a celebrity or in the limelight. Unbeknown to me at the time, reaching out to people I thought I could trust caused me to be surrounded by a myriad of individuals who professed to care but were unable to assist in the way I truly needed support. Instead, I was led by the one’s who love me, into a psychiatric consultation with the intent to be ‘assessed’ and ‘assisted.’


This series is not for the faint hearted and comes with a warning to heed before proceeding on the journey. Once you have commenced, a haunting awareness begins to cross you into the parallels between what started as fiction and interlaces into the every growing feeling that this story is not too dissimilar to aspects of your own. Thus begins the awakening of your relatable truth.


I’ll qualify before I commence further, that I do understand people (family and friends) try to assist in the best way they can. What I know now is that my life long solemn philosophy of only seeking help from myself is a valid one that I will never venture from again. This jaunt down the path of seeking assistance, demonstrated that no-one can do right by me, as they are indeed not me. Their understanding, appreciation and sphere of influence into such matters was not something I should have involved them in because it was beyond their ability to help. It was a very valuable lesson to have reconfirmed and one that I shall never lose sight of again.

I never thought I would see the day where I was in a consultation room awaiting to see a psychiatrist. I’ve personally held psychiatry in low regard and I certainly have very little acceptance of the foundation of its teachings. To me it is a barbaric industry of rudimentary theory that for some reason gets away with not having to be held to account to prove the validity of the principles upon which the whole industry is built from. Needless to say I have some very strong opinions about it.

As I entered the suite there was a lady sitting in the corner ready to take notes and another lady sitting beside a desk. The only vacant chair was positioned to face them, however it was a lengthy distance from where they were. To me it was a clear demarcation. Instantly, I picked up the chair and placed it within closer proximity to them both. I sat down, crossed my legs and placed my hands on my lap. The lady taking the notes tried to hide her smile, while the psychiatrist shifted her seat slightly and looked very uncomfortable. I watched and waited patiently, making it very clear through visual queues that she would have been trained in, that I was assessing her too. This made her nervous.

Now, I’m not suggesting that I would have been an easy person under these circumstances to deal with. Most people will feel a level of intimidation, largely due to my engagement of them when they or I speak. (I tend to look directly into peoples eyes when they speak. A lot of people find this disconcerting. I’m being polite, and this is my way of providing my undivided attention.) I can also appreciate that this psychiatrist, no doubt has had some very challenging experiences in consultation with people who have varying degree’s of mental instability. However, I was simply being myself and to that end I was curious to see what her prognosis would be post the session.

It didn’t get off to a great start, given she failed to introduce herself or her colleague. Instead, she referred to a notepad on the desk and proceeded to tell me that she had concerns with my mental stability given what my family had conveyed and that her recommendation would be to place me on an anti psychotic to help me stabilize before she could start holding sessions with me. I asked for her name, she then apologized and introduced herself. I asked for the other ladies name and to have an explanation of what both their roles were in this ‘consultation.’ This seemed to agitate her. When I then mentioned that her body language signaled to me that she was agitated and asked her to confirm if she was. Well this sent her into being very passive aggressive towards me. Especially when I then stated that I would not agree to any prescription medications and more so felt it was irresponsible for her to begin to prescribe such things without engaging in a proper assessment. I made it known that I could see she had already filled out the prescription that was sitting on her desk. I held no qualms in telling her that to me this meant she had made assumptions about me based on external perceptions or worse didn’t give a shit and was simply medicating people as a standard protocol for entry into ‘treatment’.

During our forty five glorious minutes she continually took phone calls from a construction worker who was in the middle of building her house extension. In between all of this she was simply telling me what she knew (based on what she had been told) and did not ask me a single direct question to validate whether any of it was true or if I agreed with what had been stated. The whole time she continued to insist consultations could only start when I took the medication and more so that she would organize to have it be administered by injection on a dose that could be taken once a week, thereby providing her a guarantee that I was medicated. When I calmly declined she ventured to suggest that she had the ‘authority’ to have me detained if I was deemed a possible harm to society or to myself. Her hands were shaking at this point. I glared at her and asked whether she was trying to threaten me. She glanced at the lady who was still scribing, then said no.


I can’t help but feel post my rudimentary ‘one-off’ introduction into being on the ‘assessment’ end of the psychiatry spectrum, that there is something endemically wrong with not only the system, but also with the people who supposedly are intelligent human beings who are enabling the system to thrive in a way that has their role reduced to legal drug pimping. The fact that I have since found that it is not uncommon for psychiatrists to refuse to see some-one unless they are medicated, is outright ludicrous. The solution to any problem isn’t a neat fit for all, so why on earth would a policy such as this exist? How is it that these expert psychiatrists are not questioning the narrowest approach that they themselves are blindly following?

I’m not suggesting that certain drugs are not warranted nor am I saying that it doesn’t benefit a percentage of people out there. I do appreciate it holds purpose to some degree, but this industry has taken extensive liberties and it is clearly not policed. Citizens do look to medical professionals when they feel they need help. We are still in a space where a vast majority of people remain vulnerable due to an antiquated view that ‘doctors know best.’ People forget that psychiatry is a largely unproven science and the drugs that they hold the authority to shell out like candy, happen to also be the primary channel – life blood of big pharma revenue generation. Mental illness is a lucrative market segment. Hence, overmedication is a global epidemic and that’s precisely just the way they like it.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

C.G Jung

Let it be known: The chameleons tongue can reach its prey in just 0.07 split seconds, with the projectile acceleration reaching over 41 g’s of force.